Eleo,

How've you been?
I Miss You so...

Christmas' around the corner again :)
It's time for joy and time for cheers!

Mummy's been studying and working for these few months.
But I still randomly think of you.

When I see other babies, when I hear people talk about babies.
When I see pregnant mummies, when I talk to people about pregnancy, you're all around.

Eleo, u rmb this person Nashon Jerrome?
Mummy use to talk to you about him.
Mummy got tgt w him, about 6mths ago...
He randomly came back. And Eleo, I've never been happier than now. 
I wish you were here with me. Then I'd really be happy, my family, would be complete.

Mummy recently got to know this girl who also happened to have given up her baby for adoption before.
But yet, she carries a completely different attitude towards her baby as comapred to me.

But I'm jealous of her.
The adoptive parents of her baby will write letter to her and tell her how is her baby.

Mummy has you so near but so far.
I actually am so closely inter-linked with you, but I don't know nuts about you.

Baby boy, u see how much I miss you?
I pray this Christmas, DaddyGod will let me see you again as He did last year.

I Miss You baby.
I Miss You so very much.

How do you know "MR Right" as the world defines him?
How do you know you've met with the "right one"?
How do you know he is the best for you?
How do you know there wouldn't be someone else better for you?
- Sweeter, Richer, Faster, More Handsome?

How do you react when the guy you love apologize for his past?
How do you react when he said he’s sorry whatever happened affected you?
How do you reject or accept such statements?
For one, he didn't ask for such past right?
But then again, he should have been “at his best” for you right?

How do you know when to pick up?
How do you know when to let go?

How do you know when to accept?
How do you know when to reject?

How do you know when to support?
How do you know when to be harsh?

For me, I live by faith.
Faith in the conviction God has placed in me.
Faith that when God says he is made for me, I'll accept it.
Faith that he has tried to make up for his past.
Faith that when I pciked up his love, he'd do his best.
Faith that when I accepted him, he never took it for granted.
Faith that when God tells me, “This man is crumbling”, I’d be able to pick him up.

Faith seems like the blindest thing to rely on, but yet, the only thing I can rely on.
A man I have known for 8years, liked for 8years.
A man I have waited for during these 8years, with blind trust that God would bring him back.
A man I have placed on a level so high he was like a dream.
A man I have looked up too and lived his ways since I could remember.
A man I once called guardian angel.
A man who always seem to turn up whenever I need him the most.
A man infront of, I cna be most relax.
A man that for 8 years I have spoke to him things that no one else knows.
A man that people always asked, “Why would a man 8years older than you want to have anything to do with you?”
A man no one ever understood why I waited for.
A man people usually tell me to give up, saying he don’t care.
A man that I carried hope base on the sentence, “I will be around to watch you until you graduate from university. By then, if you wanted to fly, I’d let you go.”
A man that for 8years, I was always worried he’d leave one day and really never come back.
A man that was what I always fantazied for.

- The perfect boyfriend who’d love me with all his heart, yet never afraid to correct me when I am wrong. He’d do anything stupid with me and not feel embarrassed. He’d protect me from the “bad guys”. He’d become fiercely protective towards people who’d try to get close to me. He’d have only me in his eyes. He’d have his heart beating for me only, after God. He’d stand infront of me to protect me in times of danger. He’d love what I love. He’d show me off to the world. He’d hold me in public and with my hands in his, tell his friends, “she’s my girl.” The kinda boyf I’d write in fairytales and imagine it to be true. The kinda boyf when I was scared as a child, wished he was lying next to me re-assuring me everything was good.

The man who once was a dream, is now real.
What more can I ask God for?

乐恩 ，两年前的今天，你还活在我怀里。
记得那天，我所有的不舒服。记得我一直想吐。把我搞得好不舒服。

去看了医生，起初以为是肚子不舒服，可是近过仔细的检查 医生说我怀孕了。

还记得那种开心带着一点不确定的感觉。
那种心怦怦跳的感觉。

兴奋得发个简讯给你爸，和他确定了你的存在。
问他下一步该怎么样。他只说，“等我下课再说”

哪一种紧张好南澳。
哪一种害怕他会不爱你的感觉。
哪一种知道可能失去你的心痛。

他终于下课了。
简单的发了短讯问我现在在哪儿？

遇见了，他只说，“打掉吧。我现在没钱，也不想为了孩子被绑下。”

乐恩，那一秒钟，你听见了我的害怕，我不肯相信的心跳吗？
你知道我一身最大的愿望是有自己的家庭吗？
你知道，他把我一身的梦想在那几给字里斯列了吗？

为了你，我坚强。
为了你，我让世界瞧不起。

这么做简单的应为爱你。
不该想起你。不该记得现在又到了七月。

乐恩，又是五号了。
你最近还好吗？
现在能走路了吗？
能叫爸爸妈妈了吗？

我好想你。想得真给心都痛了。

I slept in God's peace, and woke up with God's blessing.

I guess, between Nashon and I, we're still learning. There's still things about each other that we're not familiar with, but, It's amazing how God's working in our r/ship.

Nashon was unhappy because of Derek. Derek was texting me almost every other day, and Nashon finds it wrong that a man should be messaging me every other day... so, we talked things out. He was trying to explain to me why he's so pissed. (And I of course, don't see things in his view, because me being me, I like seeing things my way.)

But our r/ship always points back to God. And that, I like about my r/ship with him.

While he was praying that I'd see what the problem really is, I later prayed that I'd know how to let him know that, he was enough.

I guess from the start, I somewhat knew that Derek's kinda like getting too friendly, but then again, I didn't think too much into it. I just thought that Nashon's thinking too much and just getting jealous because I'm close. (hey, I'm not saying I don't like his jealousy here)

We talked things out about Derek, came to an agreement, and guess what? Nashon said, "If I see you as my wife, I cann't just let you go and let someone build a bridge to reach you." *inserts happy smile* But but, Nashon also told me that he really had to ask God because he didn't want it to be that it is just him being over-protective and hyper-sensitive thingy, so he really had to just go back and relie on God. I unknowingly replied him, "But God says, the man is the head of the house. I trust that He will give u the knowledge, the wisdom, that you will steer our r/ship the right way."

I trust God in my r/ship with Nashon. And seriously, I've never had a r/ship so simple, so successful, so happy before. I mean... When we both look to God, and relie on HIS strength, draw on HIS love, and have faith that, this falls in in God's plans.

I like the way Nashon say that we Sync with each other. I think, sync is a nice word. How we work around each other's timing - My School, His Work, My Shoots, His Friends, My Church, His Church. How our hands automactically find each other. How we always greet each other with a hug. Magic :)

Magic God created. ♥
Sleeping In God's Peace because God solved the issue btw us.
Waking Up with God's blessing as I see Nashon beside me :)

 

 

1. I loved how you always remembered me in the first 8 years of knowing me.

2. I loved how you seem to smile the brightest when you were teasing me.

3. I loved how you found stupid reasons for things you do. (Like saying u were training my head by head butting me)

4. I loved how you still looked guilty when you were lying to me.

5. I loved how you'd call me and pretend to change your voice so I won't recognize it's you.

6. I love how you always seem to take it as a risk whenever you contacted me.

7. I loved watching how you'd care for me, but never used to admit with your mouth.

8. I love how you'd pretend to be so strong, but you are actually crumbling inside.

9. I love how you feel this sense of responsibility to make up for something you felt you did wrong.

10. I love how we can be at Mac's with some weirdo shaking her shaker fries behind us and talking pretty loudly, and there you were, living in your own world, naming 50 reasons why you liked me.

11. I love how u are so candid infront of me

12. I love how you never pretended to be who you are not infront of me

13. I love your stupid smile

14. I love how you are so irritating in an adorable way

15. I love waking up to see you smiling at me

16. I love you because you don't doubt me

17. I love you because you love God

18. I love you because you are willing to learn despite being so arrogant and what not.

19. I love how you know what you want in life.

20. I love how you give your best at whatever you do.

21. I love your chiu chiu ~~

22. I also love you w/o your chiu chiu :P

23. I love you with your ear ring

24. I also love you w/o it.

25. I love u in your spec.

26. I love u w/o it too.

27. I love how big your eyes are.

28. I love how ur teeth is straight on top but crooked at the bottom

29. I love u whether your name's Nashon or Jerrome.

30. I love you even is you're shun liang or jian long.

31. I love hearing you say I love you

32. I love the way you empathize that when you say u love me, u are committed to me.

33. I love how you try to be a better man than your father.

34. I love how you love maomao

35. I love your clean-freak symptom.

36. I love how you're worried about me being attacked by ticks.

37. I love how u satisfy my macflurry cravings

38. I love talking to you through the night.

39. I love how time flies when I'm with you.

40. I love playing at the playground with you crazily.

41. I love running on the playground with you.

42. I love winning you at a standing swing challenge.

43. I love how you don't give up despite already losing.

44. I love siting at the playground and singing worship songs with you.

45. I love talking about God with you.

46. I love hearing how Jesus is working in your life.

47. I love how you prioritize your mum before me.

48. I love how you put on a straight face despite being angry at me.

49. I love how u try to secretly take pictures of me.

50. I love how you snuggle under the blanket with me.

51. I love watching you struggle to walk my dogs

52. I love how you won't scold my dogs when they're naughty.

53. I love how you go "yeh?" with me.

54. I love how you allow me to stupidly spar with you.

55. I love how you don't mind me leaving marks on you.

56. I love how happy you get to just see reminders of me on you.

57. I love how we can just sleep for more than 12 hours straight and not get up.

58. I love how you give up your broccoli to me!

59. I love how u face your challenges at work.

60. I love how you appreciate the little things in life (like going home at 530)

61. I love how happy u look when u talk about your brothers.

62. I love how you mentally prepare yourself that explaining our r/ship to others may get more difficult.

63. I love how you get upset watching me sick.

64. I love how you say, "But I've never seen you sick. & it makes my heart hurt ot see u sick."

65. I love how you tell my what Jesus did for you on a daily basis.

66. I love how you reflect on what Jesus has done for you/

67. I love how you're happier now that you are a better man than u were.

68. I love watching how u explianed to my mum why u gave me your house key.

69. I love hearing you tell me how u were "tensed" when asking your mum for permission to give me your house key.

70. I love how you stopped using vulgarities because I didn't like it.

71. I love watching you start to like Nugnug more with each passing day.

72. I love how you talk to me into the middle of the night, lying on bed, & saying just how good Jesus is.

73. I love how you placed my needs before yours.

74. I love the way you always seem so protective of me.

75. I love how u always gave me advice in my life.

76. I love how you push me to my best.

77. I love the fact I can discuss w you which doll / camera to buy, & u can give me suggestions even though u know nuts about them.

78. I love how u always tell me, " You're the only one for me"

79. I also love how you say, " You're so special to me"

80. But what I love the most, "I can search the whole earth, and never find anyone like you."

81. I love how u are proud of your clothes collection (despite the fact I cnn't stand it)

82. I love lisening to u talk about ur football / gym .

83. I love how u love ur work environment.

84. I love how you love Prince! xDDD

85. I love ur good morning kisses.

86. I love being able to wake up at midnight to hug u.

87. I love how u love my single eyelids.

88. I love how u actually drew drafts of stick-mans to gimme ur best! (ROFLMAO!)

89. I love how u rmb the memories at macs!

90. I love how u'd order macdelivery for me at midnight, just so I won't be hungry when i reach your house.

91. I love the way you call me angel.

92. I love how u've learnt to greet me good morning everyday ;P

93. I love watching u be serious at work ,yet whenever it comes to me, you'd melt down to be all mushy (^^)

94. I love the way gimme a take-my-breath-out hug everytime we meet.

95. I love the way u kiss me and hold it thr until i cnnt breathe.

96. I love how u make me feel like i'm the only girl in ur eyes.

97. I love the fact that no matter how angry u may get at me, u still try to be nice.

98. I love watching you find out a new fact about me, and the facial expressions u have.

99. I love how u'd bicker w me over stupid things.

100. I love how u break out singing randomly.

101. I love how u sing random songs, with random words.

102. I love ur look in formal / working clothes.

103. I love your look in berms & tight top xD

104. I love your look in shirt & pants + shoes

105. which brings me to the point, I love how u like rain!

106. I love watching u tell me, "I'm not gay!" whenever you tell me of wich male celeb u like.

107. I love u in ur blue t-shirt which u always seem to be wearing.

108. I love watching u maintain a straight face infront of everything.

109. I love how u safely assume everything i post on twitter is actually in regards to u.

110. I love how u simply said, "I wish I was there" when u heard of me crying because of Eleo.

111. I love how u played along with me when I told u tt at 11:11, we could make a wish tt will come true.

112. I love how u tell me ur 11:11 wish x)

113. I love how u know I have things I havn't told u, and yet reply, "I know u will tell me when the time is right."

114. I love how u'd pop out to see me as soon as I want if u can.

115. I love how u don't give in to my rubbish emotional blackmails.

116. I love how u pile up my stupid-est ideas with me, and make them stupid-er than they already are.

117. I love the fact being with u means always remembering Jesus (because our r/ship revolve ard Jesus)

118. I love how I can openly tell u I love Jesus so so so so so so so much! & how u will thank HIM for bringing me so far.

119. I love how u'd say something like, "I don't care what they think! All I know is you love me for who I am"

120. I love how u always go, "I'm a reasearch analyst"

121. I love how u learn live's lessons.

122. I love how u always come back to Jesus!

123. I love how u made nugget into a metorphore, and we can say, "Just like Nugget" :)

124. I love how easy it is to smile beside you.

125. I love how u will feel sad whenever I am sad.

126. I love how u make that whinny face whenever u want to express u are "hurt"

127. I love how u try to copy Nugget's puppy face

128. I love how u are bad about those health products! (like not eating tabascco when having sore throat)

129. I love how u camwhore with me!

130. I love how u tend to call me to say goodnight.

131. I love how u act stupid with me.

132. I love how u try to take pics of my doggies

133. I love how u try to keep as many of my pics as possible

134. I love how u set aside a corner of ur table for me to put my things

135. I love how u always say thank u for me clearing up your room

136. I love how u can get along with my friends!

137. I love how u always rmb to take 10pkts of milk for me at MOS burger.

138. I love how u believe in Jesus when HE says the time is not rght yet.

139. I love how u want to give me the best u can.

140. I love how u try to let me into ur life by sending me random photos of whr u are, or wad u're doing

141. I love how u can tell im drinking sour plum drink just frm a squint!

142. I love how u can randomly call me wifey.

143. I love how u're finding it unfair tt mavis is my wifey but u cnnt be my hubby :P

144. I love how excited u get just knowing u can see me after work

145. I love how u'd let me show u Kyson's photos & videos

146. I love how u accept my crazy nail colors!

147. I love how I can act stupid infront of u.

148. I love how we can go through a whole convo of bridges, permissions & contracts, just for u to say "I love you"

149. I love hugging you to sleep and feel you tossing around in bed.

150. I love you for who you are.